JOKES

[Structo]

You got any funny ones?

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It sure is dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"Do you wanna buy a baseball?" asks the little boy.
"No, thank you," the man replies.
"My dad's right outside", the little extortionist continues.
After considering the position he's in, the man says, "Fine. How much?"
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway.
Again, the woman places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It sure is dark in here, isn't it?", the little boy starts off.
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"Do you wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
Realizing his disadvantage, the hiding lover replies, "Sure. How much?"
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The following weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," the little boy replies.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of trading cards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!? That's thievery!
I'm taking you to the church right now. You are going to confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father says as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says, "It sure is dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that shit in here," the priest says!

[xtian]

Ah. Good jokes are all about twisted expectations. That was a goodun, Tom.

[Reeltarded]

haha

ouch

[Firestorm]

As long as we're abusing the clergy:

A parish priest is assigned to a church in a bad neighborhood. On his first day, he walks to the church and encounters a lady of the street. She says "Blow job, Father? 25 bucks."

"Oh my, er, God bless you child" he says and walks on.

A little while later, he meets another sidewalk entrepreneur who says "Blow job? 25 bucks."

The priest replies "Oh, very kind. Not today, thank you" and continues on his way.

After arriving at his church, the priest settles in, then walks to the convent next door to introduce himself to the Mother Superior. After a few pleasantries, he says "Sister, perhaps you can clear something up for me. What's a 'blow job'?"

The Mother Superior replies "25 bucks, same as in town."

[JazzGuitarGimp]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the barkeep: How much for a drink? To which, the barkeep replies For you? NO CHARGE!

[Reeltarded]

o

m




g

[Structo]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[NickC]

Ha! Zero to 200. Good one!

[Phil_S]

A parish priest is assigned to a church in a bad neighborhood... same as in town."

Thanks for this one. I used it at a party last night.

[Leo_Gnardo]

So which instrument is better, a viola or a banjo?

Banjo, burns longer.

[morcey2]

What's a banjo good for?



About 90 feet if you can get enough loft on it.

[darryl_h]

What's perfect pitch?

When you hurl a piano accordion into a dumpster, and it crushes a banjo.

[Leo_Gnardo]

What's perfect pitch?

When you hurl a piano accordion into a dumpster, and it crushes a banjo.

Ah, I was about to request accordion jokes, and here you are. Thanks!

A friend of mine left his accordion in the back seat of his car, parked on the street in downtown Manhattan. He came back to find the back door window smashed. Looking inside, he saw a second accordion.

[darryl_h]

What do you call five accordions in a dumpster?

A good start.

[Structo]

Ha!